Take The Good With The Bad....

Well, I feel like I have an ear infection because the whole left side of my jaw hurts, but when I tried to find the culprit, nothing was really tender until I stuck my finger inside my ear, and OUCH!!!

But....

I've lost more weight without trying. I have no idea how. And I really don't know how to gauge the amount unless you wanna start with where I was when I went into the hospital to have Hootie. Let's do a little timeline......

I weighed around 170lbs. when I met Sean,

had and IUD put in the next month and over the next 2 years, gained about 30lbs.

Finally had it taken out, immediately got pregnant with Hootie at FREAKIN' 200LBS...

gained 37lbs throughout my pregnancy

Lost down to 217lbs and got stuck.....

Somehow went do to 212lbs.

Got on the scale this morning and weighed 207lbs.

Still in the FREAKIN' 200's, but atleast going in the right direction.

This is one of the hardest, crappiest, mentally draining, suck the life out of you, problems in my world. I constantly live my life saying "if I can only get to....."

and usually I'm saying "if I can only get BACK to...." which makes it that much worse on my psyche.....

Now, if I can only get out of the 200's......I've got a closet full of clothes that are literally INCHES to small.....

In No Random Order

So I'm ready to post What's Important to Beth #1

I truly love love love my church. I can't say enough about it because it is truly not like any church I've ever been to. There's no pew sleeping, ordinary run of the mill traditon of dragging your family every Sunday. My kids can't wait to go. They love being part of such a forward thinking, fresh, cool enviroment where they proudly call themselves "JESUSFREAKS"

Oh wait!!! I said I wouldn't talk about the kids....See what I mean....That's exactly why I need this blog! I have to learn to recondition myself to talk about what is important to ME first! I don't consider that selfish at all by the way.....I'm a firm believer that if I'm healthy, then everyone around me will be also. Back to what I was saying...

So my church has a ministry school. At first glance, one would never in a million years, think of Beth and Ministry in the same sentence. I have been in church my entire life and have never HEARD God until about 4 years ago. And I mean truly HEARING God is completely different than going thru the motions for others. I was always so scared of having to give up friends, places, etc...But I've learned over the past couple of years, that those things just fly by the wayside of importance and other things definitely take their place. And since coming to my church, I've evolved even more into knowing what kind of woman I want to be.

I want to be a woman with integrity, purpose, virtues and values. (Not that I've not had those things before.) I want better skills to be able to influence and guide, especially women, into truly being able to "get it." Whatever it is they are trying to "get." So many women go thru life constantly playing the victim because it's comfortable. We thrive on horrendous schedules, crappy husbands, unruly kids, dirty houses, job jumping, man jumping, hypochondria and all around complaining because for some of us, if we didn't have all those things, the alternative, called SUCCESS, would scare the living daylights out of us.

Success makes a woman scared. I know there are tons of successful women in the world, but ask every single one of them and they will tell you the same things.

A. If they weren't TYPE A personalities before, they read enough books and went to enough conferences to make themselves TYPE A
B. Every single one of them have learned along the way to laugh at adversity, never take NO personally, throw the word GUILT out with the trash or it will live in your house forever.
C. Once they learned to do for themselves FIRST, everyone around them became much easier to live with. WHY? Because THEY were easier to live with!

Back to DR.
DR stands for Damascus Road. It's a 9 month school with once a week classes among other duties, along with a missions trip at the end of the course. The missions trip is usually somewhere in Africa, India, Brazil etc.
They encourage you to do it as a couple if you are married, and give you a discount to attend part time.

Right now, as it stands, I have more questions and anxieties than I have answers. With that being said, I'm not supposed to have all the answers. I'm supposed to put it in God's Hands and have faith that if it's meant to be, it will be. Here are the questions I'm relying on God to answer:

~How will I come up with $1500 with all the kiddos we have?
~Can I work out changing my work schedule to accomodate?
~Will I be able to invest the extra time it will take during the week between working and
caring for a one year old?
~Am I being flaky and inconsistent by wanting this in the first place?
~What are my goals in regards to wanting to do this? Where do I see myself after all this?

I have answers to some of these questions. But did you notice that not once did I ever question if I were good enough to do this? The questions they ask in the packet are pretty intense and I am by no means perfect. But I'm pretty sure they aren't looking for perfection. My main goal in wanting this so bad, is to learn how to be a better me. A more Godly me. A skilled me. A virtuous me. Because when I can learn to be those things first to myself, I can give those things away to others. And THAT is my ultimate goal. I can't spend my entire life trying to figure ME out. I have to learn how to give back without the guilt of short-changing myself or my family. In the long run I will instill integrity, purpose, virtues and values into everyone I meet, which is my goal in the first place.
Click on the links below to see what I've been talking about, then give me your opinion.
The Life Church of Memphis :: Damascus Road


ME

Just Me

I've been extremely conflicted lately. My thoughts seem to be consumed by how to live a more balanced life in my chaotic world. Don't get me wrong, I love my chaotic world. It makes me who I am. I am completely utterly in love with my children, my husband, my life. But I seem to revolve my world around constantly trying to figure IT out.

How to prioritize my time better...

How to take that extra 2 seconds to think before I speak...

How to maximize my time at home...

How to GET more time at home...

How to be more consistent...

How to be more organized...

How to be kinder...

How to be gentler...

How to involve myself in what's important to me...

How to remember every single wonderful moment in my kids life...

How to do what I love and learn to make money at it...

How to forgive AND forget...

How to live a guilt free life in every aspect of my life...

How to stop apologizing and start taking control of my thoughts and opinions...

How to stop over analyzing and trust myself...

How to be better. A better ME.

Because Then And Only Then, Can I Be A Better Everything Else